Etsy: My Painted Designs
The other day I was at my pharmacy waiting for a prescription to be filled, and while I waited, I browsed the selection of giftware. I’ve recently become infatuated with little mugs and glasses that have cute sayings on them, so when I came across a few in the store, I was taken aback by some of the sayings.
The image above, “I do…I did…I’m done!!” was one of the glasses I saw, along with others that bragged about the finalization of one’s divorce. Along with this glassware, I saw decals, magnets, and shot glasses that had similar sayings or celebrations of divorce.
When I got home, I went online to see if I could find any of the merchandise I’d found earlier, and found even more things than I’d seen in the store, such as bracelets, buttons, sashes, and bumper stickers.
I thought to myself as I looked at these things, “Does no one see the problem with this?”
See, in this world, people have misconstrued the definition of marriage and the wedding vows. Here’s the thing, marriage can mean in one definition:
a combination or mixture of two or more elements.
Most people can tell you, when you mix elements together, you can’t very well separate them easily, if at all. So if marriage is the mixture of two people, why do we believe that they can be pulled apart easily and without repercussions or drawbacks?
A prime example of the problems with this generation in itself, and inevitably all generations prior to, is the never ending conundrum of boredom.
Everyone gets bored, even with the most interesting people in the world at their side. A marriage that’s full of life, love, and luster at the beginning, is going to experience periods of dullness and lack of those three, wonderful and exciting things. But we must realize: boredom won’t kill us.
I saw this one day when I was talking with one of my peers. She told me she’d been married before, for four years, before becoming a divorcee at the young age of 25. I felt genuinely bad for her, since this was a short lived marriage where it should have lasted a lifetime.
As she continued, she revealed the reason behind her divorce was her spouse had become boring, unexciting. They never went out and did anything, and he was nowhere near as interesting as when they’d begun dating and were first married.
So the obvious choice was to divorce, right?
My mind was boggled, and honestly I felt very defensive and angry at the outcome of this girl’s relationship with her ex husband. I mentioned how every relationship gets dull, but the couple have to find other ways to interact with each other, and although she agreed with me, she evidently hadn’t taken that advice in her previous relationship.
My issue is this; no one takes marriage seriously anymore. Marriage isn’t a big wedding and celebration, or even finding someone you’re insanely in love with and spending a few blissful years with them. Marriage is a few things, which you can in fact find in the most common wedding vows.
- I take you
The most basic commitment, that even high school lovebirds make with each other. You “take” this person as yours, as someone you love and want to be with and have chosen to love, no condition.
- To have and to hold
Pretty self explanatory, you marry someone, and you have them. Not in a type of ownership which most people object to through marriage, but through an ownership of that person’s heart and love.
If you “have” that person, that means you are in charge of protecting their heart, taking responsibility of making sure they’re safe and loved. Your job as a spouse is to “hold” them in your care and watch, to make sure they’re provided for and taken care of emotionally as well as physically.
- From this day forward
On the day you are married and say your vows, your life as one person who only has to worry about yourself, has ended. “This day forward” doesn’t begin after the wedding, or before, but at the moment you vow to that person you will love and cherish them forever.
Forward: onward so as to make progress
- For better, for worse
Life has ups and downs, including exciting and boring times in one’s marriage. When vows are said, each person promises no matter what comes, they will love and stick with that person in the highs and lows, through the “better and worse” times. Even when that person drives you up the wall, you’ve promised to stay with them because of that vow.
- For richer, for poorer
No one should ever marry for money, or even the lack thereof. If you can’t see yourself loving them in the penny pinching times, you don’t get the privilege of loving them in the high rolling days.
- In sickness and in health
Sometimes it’s easy to duck out of a person’s life when they’re not top condition, or even if they’re not able to bring what you want out of the marriage because of their sickness or health. My parents are a prime example of this commitment. My dad has had two heart attacks and multiple hospital visits, but my mother always stood by him and never once gave up on their love because of his weak moments.
- Until death do us part
This. Is. No. Joke.
When you say “til death do us part,” you’re not saying, “til death by boredom do us part.”
Death: the destruction or permanent end of something.
People today take very lightly this part of their vows over all the rest. They may promise til death, but they really mean they’ll stay married with them, as long as the spark lasts and they don’t find anyone else who interests them.
Marriage is not to be taken lightly. It’s a HUGE life changing event, where you join another human being to stick together until one of you dies, promising to stay dedicated to them, even when life gets tough and you don’t feel like loving them. Imagine on your wedding day, saying your vows to your adoring spouse. Most people aren’t thinking to themselves, Oh, I can’t wait for the next few years, and then our divorce, my celebrated freedom, and second wedding!!
We shouldn’t make humor over divorce.
We shouldn’t glorify divorce.
Divorce in a word, should be: hard.
Marriage and divorce are serious matters in our world, and if we can’t take the time to understand the seriousness of this dedication and the tragedy of a separation, then we shouldn’t be allowed to hold the responsibility of entering into this pact.
~ mary ashley cline
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
“What God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:9