“Oh My Soul” Why are you weary?

David went through a lot of trial and error, from lusting another man’s wife and killing her husband, to leading God’s armies and kingdoms, he wasn’t always perfect, and he dealt with a lot more terrors than we realize.

In the Psalms, David is crying out to God while being literally hunted by not only the current king, but all the king’s men and wicked people surrounding him. He was in hiding for much of the book, and you can see this as he calls on God’s help through the advances and asks for his enemies’ undoing.

After thousands of years, we Christians and Americans take it as our responsibility to complain about our hardships, compare the challenges we’ve faced to others’, and ask for every hand out and shortcut we can get, but in contrast to David’s life in Psalm, we’re a bunch of whiners that don’t know anything about struggling and fear.

Even so, we do face a lot of personal tribulation, from needless worry to incessant confusion and angst, we have created our own different trials to face in our lives.

As a Christian who tries her darndest to be on fire for God all of the time, I have periods where I fail miserably and come up short at every attempt.

I’ll let you all in on a little space of my personal walk with God: I’m not doing too hot.

Yes I love God. Yes I know He loves me and accepts me as I am. Yes I read my Bible daily and pray often. No I don’t want to be separate from Him. But even with all of my positive effort, I can be a real lazy, selfish (in place of worse describers) jerk. I don’t always remember to include God in my day, and I can bring before Him prayers that sound like “me, me, me.” After a few weeks of living like this, I wake up one day to find myself miles away from where I used to stand beside God.

When I’m in this place, I begin to relate an awful lot to David. Certainly I’m not being shot at with arrows or afraid to sleep for fear of my throat being slit, but his pleading to God reminds me of my own, while his full unadulterated confidence in God’s power in his life fills me with hope and peace.

Specifically I related a couple of nights ago, when I was reading Psalm 43:

v5. Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why are you disturbed within me?

Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.

I can’t comprehend why I’m not joyful, or why I feel such distance from God. I feel nothing and am unable to grasp the vastness of my nothingness. I am screaming at times to my mind and soul, “Why are acting so idiotic?! Why did you allow yourself to become separated from the God who loves you and fills you with such joy?!”

I feel likewise in how he describes himself in chapter 6, when he says:

v6 I am weary with my sighing; every night I make my bed swim, I dissolve my couch with my tears.

While I may  not have cause for such distress as David did, I have cause for other reasons, such as soaking up a huge world that is as ungodly as ever.

I, like many of us tend to do, allowed the world, people, and other priorities to take top billing in my life, and let God slip below the surface momentarily, just long enough to lose myself in the waves. I’ve become encapsulated and overcome by my surmounting waves of fear, anxiety, preparation, life changes, looking towards the future, and pure selfish desires and goals. I have neglected the God who created the universe yet “made me a little lower than heavenly beings,” and came to the earth to know me.

My relationship with God is not one that comes easily. I don’t wake up every morning, jumping out of bed ready to praise the Lord in everything I say and do. I rarely use the entire day to talk to God consistently and look on others with His loving eyes. If I don’t pursue Him daily, it is easy for me to become joyless and lacking the best things in life.

Even so, I would never wish to trade this privilege I have with God, for the entire universe. I don’t, in the smallest parts of my heart, wish to “gain the whole world and lose my soul,” especially over a few measly breaths of life.

The battle against the world for our foundation with God is not an easy one. We rarely tell others of our own struggles int he relationship, even though all of us have them. We put on happy faces and false realities to give the illusion that we’re put together and are quite right with the Lord. In actuality, until we are reunited with Him, we will never have a perfect relationship and or have no need for growth.

God loves us and forgives us of everything, but we have to approach Him for this. He died for us to create a relationship, but any relationship falters if communication and dedication doesn’t take place. He will never leave the place in which He stands, but you can quickly lose your ground if you don’t keep endurance.

I don’t wish to start debates, or for everyone to flock to me or anyone else who struggles with their condolences. Rather, I hope people would be more idealistic when working with each other. That they wouldn’t feel hopeless or in despair because of where they’ve taken their lives. Instead of judging others for their walk, whether assuming your own is better or that theirs is the prime example, remember becoming a Christian doesn’t make you superhuman or immune to the affect of the world.

Being a Christian means you’re facing a battle, that God promises you, He’s already won.

~mary ashley cline

You can’t change without a fallout
It’s gon’ hurt, but don’t you slow down
Get back up, ’cause it’s a hard love 



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